Estella was living with a widow named Mrs. Brandley, who had been a friend of Miss Havisham's before she shut herself away. In and out of Mrs. Brandley's house, I suffered every kind of torture that Estella could cause me. She made use of me to tease other admirers—and she had many admirers.
I saw her often at Richmond, and I heard of her often in town. There were picnics, plays, operas, concerts, parties—all sorts of pleasures through which I pursued her, and they were all miseries to me. I never had one hour's happiness with her, and yet I was always thinking of the happiness we would have if we were married.
If that house in Richmond is ever haunted, it will surely be haunted by my ghost. Oh, the many, many days and nights that my spirit wandered through that house, though my body was elsewhere.
One day Estella announced that Miss Havisham wished to see her and that I was to accompany her. Miss Havisham seemed even fonder of Estella now than before. She clung to Estella's hand and hung on Estella's every word. She asked for names and descriptions of the men whom Estella had attracted.
I realized bitterly that Estella was meant to wreak Miss Havisham's revenge on men, and that she would not be given to me until this had been accomplished. Miss Havisham had sent Estella out to attract and torment men, knowing that Estella was beyond the reach of all these admirers.
We were seated by the fire when Estella began to withdraw her hand from Miss Havisham's clutches.
"What!" said Miss Havisham, flashing her eyes at Estella. "Are you tired of me?"
"Only a little tired of myself," said Estella, moving away.
"Speak the truth, you ingrate!" cried Miss Havisham, striking her walking stick on the floor.
Estella looked at her with perfect calmness and then looked down at the fire. Her indifference to Miss Havisham seemed almost cruel.
"Oh, look at her!" cried Miss Havisham bitterly. "Look at her, so unfeeling and thankless and proud. You stone! You cold, cold heart!"
"You should know," said Estella. "I am what you have made me. Who taught me to feel nothing? Who praised me when I learned my lesson?"
"But to be proud and unfeeling to me!" Miss Havisham shrieked. She stretched out her arms and sank to the floor.
From the moment they began to argue, I had wanted to leave the room. I left them now and walked about the courtyard and the ruined garden for an hour or more. When I felt I could brave the room again, I ventured upstairs. I found Estella sitting near Miss Havisham, stitching one of the ancient bridal garments that had fallen to pieces. Later Estella and I played cards, and there were no further arguments between the two of them that evening, or on the four subsequent days when I accompanied Estella to Miss Havisham's.
It is impossible to discuss this time in my life without mentioning Bentley Drummle, although I would be glad not to speak of him. At our friend Startop's suggestion, Herbert and I had joined a club called the Finches of the Grove. I never discovered the purpose of this club. I only knew that its members dined out twice a month at an expensive hotel and then quarreled among themselves as much as possible after dinner. Unfortunately Drummle was also a Finch.
One evening it was Drummle's turn to toast a lady. While the decanters were going around the table, I thought I saw him look at me in a sly manner. But since there was no love lost between us, that look could have meant anything. I was stunned when he called upon us to drink a toast to "Estella."
"Estella who?" I challenged him.
"Never you mind," he retorted.
"Estella of where? You must say where she is from." And that was true; that was a club rule.
"Estella of Richmond, gentlemen. A beauty without equal."
"I know that lady," said Herbert from across the table.
"And so do I," I added with a scarlet face.
"Do you?" said Drummle.
Provoked, I immediately stood up and said that was so typical of Drummle, coming into the club and proposing a toast to a woman he didn't know.
But, alas, it turned out that he did know her. The next day Drummle appeared at the club with a polite little note from Estella, acknowledging that she had had the honor of dancing with him several times.
I soon found out that he was pursuing her, and our paths crossed every day. Estella sometimes encouraged him, sometimes discouraged him. She flattered him; she openly despised him. But the Spider, as Mr. Jaggers had called him, was used to lying in wait and held on. He had confidence in the attraction of his money and his family's good name.
At a ball in Richmond, where Estella outshone all the other beauties, he hung around her so much that I resolved to speak to her about him.
I waited until the end of the evening when she was sitting by herself, ready for Mrs. Brandley to take her home.
"Estella, look at that fellow in the corner who is staring at us." I nodded toward Drummle.
"Why should I look at him?" Estella kept her eyes on me.
"He has been hovering about you all night."
Estella glanced at Drummle. "Moths and all sorts of ugly creatures hover about a lighted candle. Can the candle help it?"
"No, but can't you help it?"
"Well, perhaps!" she said with a laugh.
"Listen to me, Estella. It makes me miserable that you encourage a man who is so generally despised as Drummle. You know everyone hates him."
"Well?"
"You know he is a bad-tempered, stupid fellow."
"Well?"
"You know he has nothing to recommend him but money and a long line of ancestors."
"Well?" she said again. Each time she said it, she opened her lovely eyes wider.
"I cannot bear that people would say, 'She throws herself away on a mere boor, the lowest in the crowd,'" I went on.
"I can bear it."
"Oh, don't be so proud and inflexible, Estella."
"You call me proud and inflexible in one breath," she replied, "and yet you also reproach me for stooping to a boor."
"Because you do! I have seen you give him looks and smiles tonight that you never give to . . . me."
Estella turned to me, suddenly looking serious. "Do you want me then to deceive and entrap you?"
"Do you deceive and entrap him?" I asked.
"Yes, and many others. All of them but you. But here is Mrs. Brandley, and I will say no more."
She stood up to go, and I knew that my eyes were not the only ones that followed her as she left the ballroom.