My mind grew very uneasy on the subject of the pale young gentleman. His bloody nose had stained my trousers, and I tried to wash out the evidence in the dead of night. For days I kept close to home, fearing that the officers of the county jail would pounce upon me.
When the day arrived for my return to the scene of the crime, my terrors reached their height. But nothing happened! No one mentioned it, and no pale young gentleman was to be found when I looked in the windows of the small house.
I entered the main house. In the passage between Miss Havisham's room and the room with the wedding cake, I saw a garden chair—a light chair on wheels that was pushed from behind. On that day I began the task of pushing Miss Havisham in the chair. We went around her room, across the passage, and around the other room. Over and over we made this journey, often for as long as three hours at a time.
It was decided that I should return every other day, and I did this for the next eight to ten months. As we grew more used to each other, Miss Havisham began to ask me questions about what I had learned and what I was going to be. I told her that I was to be apprenticed to Joe. I also said that I knew nothing but wanted to know everything, hoping she might help me learn. But she never did. Nor did she ever pay me for my visits.
Estella was always there but never told me I might kiss her again. Sometimes she coldly tolerated me; sometimes she was quite nice to me; sometimes she told me she hated me. I was often puzzled by her moods and didn't know what to say or do.
At those times Miss Havisham would embrace Estella and whisper something to her that sounded like: "Break men's hearts and have no mercy!"
Miss Havisham often whispered to me too. "Does she grow prettier and prettier, Pip?" And she seemed delighted when I said, "Yes." For Estella did grow more beautiful every day. And so we continued to play cards and walk around the gloomy rooms. I never told Joe about the pale young gentleman or about anything that went on at Miss Havisham's. But I told Biddy everything. I didn't understand until much later why I confided in her and why she listened to me.
Meanwhile Mr. Pumblechook often came in the evenings to discuss my future with my sister. The two of them would speculate for hours about what Miss Havisham was going to do for me. This made me so angry that I wanted to burst into tears and hit Mr. Pumblechook.
One day when I was at Miss Havisham's, she said, "Tell me again the name of your blacksmith."
"Joe Gargery, ma'am."
"You are growing up, Pip. You should be apprenticed at once. Would Gargery come here and bring your indenture papers?"
"He would see it as an honor to be asked."
"Then tell him to come here with you."
When I went home that night and delivered this message for Joe, my sister went on the worst rampage I'd ever seen.
"What am I—a doormat under your feet?" she asked Joe and me. "Am I not good enough for Miss Havisham?"
Then she heaved a candlestick at Joe, burst into loud sobbing, and began furiously cleaning. She took up her bucket and scrub brush and threw Joe and me out of the house. We stood shivering in the backyard until ten o'clock when we determined it was safe to come inside.
Two days later Joe shut up the forge for the day and put on his best clothes. I should have told him that he looked much more comfortable in his everyday clothes. My sister insisted on accompanying us to town. She stayed with Mr. Pumblechook while we walked on to Miss Havisham's. Estella led us up to Miss Havisham's room, where Miss Havisham was seated at her dressing table.
"Well," she said to Joe, "you have raised this boy with the intention of making him your apprentice. Does he like the trade? Has he ever made any objections?"
"You know, Pip," Joe said to me, "since we are the best of friends, I'd have paid attention if you'd made objections."
I tried to signal to him that it was proper to talk to Miss Havisham and not to me, but it did no good.
"Did you bring his indenture papers with you?" asked Miss Havisham.
"Oh, Pip! You know you saw me put them in my hat this morning."
With that he handed me the papers. I'm sorry to say I was ashamed of the dear, good fellow. I felt even more ashamed when I saw that Estella was silently laughing at him. I gave the papers to Miss Havisham and she looked them over.
"Pip has earned some money, and here it is." She picked up a little bag from the table. "Give this to your master, Pip."
I handed the bag to Joe, and he persisted in talking to me. "This is very liberal on your part, Pip, and I am most grateful."
"Good-bye, Pip," said Miss Havisham, handing us back the papers. "Let them out, Estella."
"Am I to come again, ma'am?"
"No, Gargery is your master now. And Gargery, that 25 pounds is Pip’s reward. Don't expect anything more from me."
We went on to Mr. Pumblechook's house. "Well," said my sister, "It's a wonder that you two have come back to such poor society as this."
"Miss Havisham," said Joe, "made a great effort to say we should give her compliments to you. Isn't that right, Pip?"
"Oh yes." I immediately realized that he was making this all up to please my sister.
"She said," Joe went on, "that she wished the state of her health allowed her the pleasure of having ladies visit."
"Well." My sister gave a satisfied glance at Mr. Pumblechook. "And what did she give Pip?"
"She gave him nothing," said Joe. Before my sister could explode, he continued. "But to his family, she gave this 25 pounds."
My sister immediately grabbed the money from Joe's hands. Then Mr. Pumblechook said I must be bound at once to Joe. And so we left for the town hall, where we signed the papers officially making me Joe's apprentice.
Once I had believed in the blacksmith's forge as the glowing road to manhood and independence. I had felt that when I at last rolled up my sleeves and went to work as Joe's apprentice, I would be distinguished and happy.
But within a single year, everything changed, and the forge seemed coarse and common.
It's a dreadful thing to feel ashamed of home. What I feared most was that someday, when I was at my dirtiest, I would lift up my eyes from my work and see Estella looking in through the window.