Alice walked around the March Hare's house until she spotted a table under a tree. The March Hare and the Hatter were having tea. A dormouse sat between them, fast asleep. The other two rested their elbows on him as they chatted.
Although the table was large, all three were crowded at one end. As Alice approached, the Hatter and the March Hare jumped up.
"There's no room for you!" they cried. "No room at all!"
"Nonsense! There's plenty of room." Alice sat down in an armchair at the other end of the table. Sighing, the Hatter and the March Hare sat down again.
"Have some juice," the March Hare said.
Alice looked around the table. "I see tea, but I don't see any juice."
"That's because there isn't any," the March Hare said.
"Then it wasn't very nice of you to offer it." Alice felt impatient.
"It wasn't very nice of you to sit down without being invited," the March Hare said.
"You have plenty of room here," Alice said.
All this time the Hatter had been silently studying Alice. "You need a haircut," he said.
"And you need to stop making personal comments!" Alice scolded him. She couldn't believe how rude everyone was in this strange land.
The Hatter took his watch from his pocket and studied it. He shook the watch and held it to his ear.
"What day of the month is it?" he asked Alice.
She thought for a moment. "The fourth."
The Hatter sighed. "My watch is off by two days." He gave the March Hare an angry look. "I told you that butter wouldn't fix it."
"But I used the best kind of butter," the March Hare said.
"Yes, but you shouldn't have used the bread knife to spread it inside my watch. Some bread crumbs obviously got in as well."
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily. Then he dipped it into his tea and checked it again. The watch still didn't work.
Alice got up and peered over his shoulder. "What a strange watch! It tells the day of the month but not the hour."
"Why should it?" the Hatter said. "Does your watch tell you what year it is?"
"Of course not," Alice said.
Suddenly the Dormouse woke up. "That's what I was going to say!" he said, and immediately went back to sleep.
Alice sat back down at the other end of the table. "This conversation makes no sense. I have better things to do with my time than sit here and waste it."
The Hatter looked down his nose at Alice. "Time is a he, not an it."
"I don't understand," Alice said.
"Of course you don't," the Hatter said. "I bet you've never even spoken to Time. If you're friendly with him, he'll do almost anything you ask."
Alice leaned forward, full of curiosity. "Like what?"
"Let's say it's nine o'clock in the morning, and you're supposed to start your lessons. You could whisper to Time. And suddenly it would be one o'clock and time for lunch."
"Oh, that would be wonderful!" Alice said. "Are you friendly with Time?"
The Hatter looked sad. "Not anymore. I was singing at a concert given by the Queen of Hearts. I'd just begun when the Queen shouted, 'Stop! You're murdering the time!'"
The Dormouse suddenly woke up again. "The Queen was mad because the Hatter wasn't keeping the beat."
The Hatter nodded sadly. "But Time thought I wanted to murder him! And now he won't do a thing for me. It's always six o'clock!"